Sunday, November 03, 2013

Be Still

I read this prayer today. "Teach me, Lord, to still my soul before you. Help me to bear patiently the trials I face, and to leave everything to you to direct and provide. I know that you will always remain faithful. God’s whisper of comfort can quiet the noise of our trials." I need comfort today. And I need to learn to "Be Still" more. It is hard when you are in the midst of a trial. So this is something that I need to be reminded of today. Today is one of those days. So I am here writing this morning to get some of this off my chest. And I am trying to enjoy my wonderful Hawaiian coffee this morning. Coffee makes everything better!

Ever since I became catholic it has been one trial after the other for me. My entire family is protestant. So my conversion was a difficult one. I have been going through these trials ever since I stepped foot in the door of the Catholic Church, which was in June 2008. I have paid dearly to be Catholic with my emotions and tears. I take things to heart and when things are said regarding my faith, which means so much to me it hurts so much. And the stress that has come along with my conversion has taken its toll on me physically as well. I have had deep moments of depression through all of this. Just really dark moments where I felt I could see no light at all. I just feel like dying inside at times. And that is the worst feeling. I don't think I would have made if it were not for the grace that God has given me. And also a lot of prayer and fasting. I would not have made through some trials without prayer and fasting. 
I often wonder why God chose me to be Catholic. I am the only Catholic that I know of in my whole family. I was raised in the Bible belt in Arkansas. My entire family was raised Baptist. My great grandfather was a circuit preacher and rode his horse from town to town to preach at churches.
 My grandparents in stilled my Baptist faith in me along with my Mom. Honestly I had never even heard of the Catholic Church growing up. I just thought there were only protestant churches. So I ask myself why God would choose me to be Catholic out of my entire protestant family. Maybe He knew the true longing of my heart to be with Jesus. I always wanted to be near God. Even as child I wanted to be in church as a child and as a teenager. Every time the doors were open I was there. I don't know maybe God had this all planned out for me to be Catholic. I remember as a teenager getting this crucifix necklace that I believe my parents bought me. I wore that crucifix all the time. It was the only crucifix I ever had and I still have it till this day. So maybe that was just a little sign for me then of what God was going to do with me.

I do get a little envious of people who were raised Catholic all their lives. And there whole family is Catholic and maybe don't have the trials I go through just to keep my faith. I feel like they are so blessed not to go through what I have to endure. But I suppose there is a reason God has done this with me. 
I love my faith and I won't give it up for anyone no matter what I have to go through. But there are times when I just feel tired of the constant trials. I just want to practice my faith in peace. And this seems to be the most difficult thing.

I love quotes. And I read this yesterday....

"You can come out of the furnace of trouble two ways: if you let it consume you, you come out a cinder; but there is a kind of metal which refuses to be consumed, and comes out a star."

I am praying I come out as a Star.....